This isn’t what you expected.
You’re overwhelmed, short-tempered, anxious and just don’t feel like yourself. Maybe you’re crying a lot and the littlest things set you off. Maybe you feel like nobody gets it or wonder whether you ruined everything by having a baby. You can’t sleep even when you have the opportunity because you have to keep checking that the baby’s breathing or your thoughts are spinning a million miles an hour. You’re having terrifying intrusive thoughts and you wonder if there’s something wrong with you because how you’re feeling now definitely isn’t what you expected to feel when you became a mom.
Been there. It sucks. And we can make it better.
Postpartum depression is one of the most common complications of pregnancy and birth. I suspect postpartum anxiety is even more common than the stats present, but somehow we’ve normalized so many of the symptoms as part of the postpartum experience that it can be really hard to tell what’s normal and what needs some care.
I remember thinking, “Well, nobody sleeps after they’ve had a baby. Everybody worries about their baby. Statistically, the first year after a baby is the least happy year in a marriage—it’s normal that we’re fighting all the time. I don’t really want to be around people but it’s just because I’m an introvert. It’s okay that I’m not feeling bonded—that’ll come later. Maybe I just don’t like newborns. This will pass if I just give it time. I can’t have postpartum depression and anxiety; I’m a mental health professional! I know the things! That can’t be what’s going on.”
Nope. Nobody is immune.
Postpartum depression and anxiety are not reflections of your worth as a mother and they are not your fault. So much of this is a roll of the dice and you deserve care and effective support to help you feel better (and you CAN feel better).
Postpartum depression and anxiety can look a lot of ways. Some of the questions I explore with clients are:
Can you sleep when given the opportunity? If not, what’s making that difficult?
Do you feel like yourself? Like the things that used to make you happy still do?
Are you feeling so overwhelmed that it feels like you won’t ever be able to do this?
Do you feel like your baby might be better off with a better mom?
Are you feeling way more irritable or angry than normal, like the smallest things can send you into a rage spiral?
Do you feel hopeless, empty, numb?
Is it feeling extra hard to concentrate or make decisions?
Do you feel like you’ve lost connection to yourself?
Does it feel like your thoughts are going a mile a minute and you can’t stop them from spinning?
Are you experiencing scary, intrusive thoughts of something bad happening?
Do you feel like you’re constantly thinking about everything that needs to get done and it’s hard to sit down?
Are you checking that you did things like turning off the oven, locking the door, whether the baby’s breathing?
Is your appetite off?
Are you having unexplained physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, joint pain, unexplained lethargy?
Does it just feel like something’s not right, even if you can’t quite pinpoint what it is?
Postpartum depression and anxiety don’t “just go away” over time. They are real complications from pregnancy and postpartum. Just like you would get treatment if you developed gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, or an infection in your incision, your mental health deserves effective treatment. Mental/emotional struggles are not a moral failure. They are common, human and treatable.
My heart is in helping moms get through this and feel like themselves again. Like they can enjoy their baby, feel confident in their new role, feel connected and supported and hopeful. Life can feel good again, I promise. Let me help you get there.